Monday, November 12, 2012

The Perfect? Murder & November Musings

                    Thoughts on November 12, 2012
 1.  Thanksgiving is one of the most hurried holidays. It’s November 12th and the stores are decorated for Christmas and playing Carols. I know it’s a marketing tool, but I believe that buying gifts for Christmas has become way out of hand. 100 gifts under a tree is ridiculous, unless you have 100 in your family. Give the money you spend for gifts, (probably are hated anyway) to a charity or a needy family.  
       2.   Isn't ironic that the director of the 
       Central Intelligence Agency couldn't keep his affair secret?   
       There’s a lesson to be learned. What? Perhaps it’s integrity 
       or  maybe your sins will catch up with you, no matter whom /where
       you are.
     Things I've Learned From Crime Solving TV Shows.
1.      If you are the beneficiary of your planned victim’s 
life insurance policy stop now. They are going to know it was 
you and why you did it. 
2.      If you plan to poison your victim whatever you do, 
do not, use antifreeze.  They always find it. "Thankfully, I don't have any."
3.      If you work in the medical industry and plan to poison someone don’t steal the drugs from the place of your employment. That’s the first place they look.
4.      Do not do a web search for any kind of poison. They will seize your computer and find out what you've searched for. "OMG, I'm F***ed."
5.      If you plan to hire someone to kill your victim while you are away so that you have an alibi go with a professional one. The plumber’s friend will squeal and give you up.
6.      Should your victim bleed on your carpet/floor don’t try to clean it up with bleach.  Blood seeps into everything and it will be discovered. So before you kill your victim  put down a tarp and dispose it along with the body.
7.      If you plan to set your house on fire to cover the evidence of the crime, make sure the flames burn the body enough so that they can’t find the nick on his breastbone indicating that he was stabbed before the fire.  
Be sure to put a cigarette in the victim’s hand, so it will look like he/she started the fire. If they are not smokers, you have a problem. "Geez, I don't hardly know anyone that smokes, anymore."
8.      If you plan to place your victim in a car and then roll the car over a cliff, make sure you put the body in the driver’s seat. "Well, I don't think I'd make that mistake." 
9.      The authorities always examine stomach contents during an autopsy.  Don’t feed your victim or eat with them somewhere. The food will lead them to you.
10.    If you are trying to make it look like someone broke into your house and randomly shot your victim,  don’t throw the shell casings in the washing machine, the toilet, or the planter outside the door. Investigators will find them. Hiding a gun or knife under the bed or throwing it into the back yard isn't a good idea either. 
11.     If you want it to look like a suicide, make sure you think about “bullet entry trajectory.” No one can shoot themselves in the back of the head from 5 feet away. "Unless, of course, they are a trickster."
12.     If you plan to purchase anything to be used to commit the murder, pay cash and burn the receipt. And remember – stores have surveillance cameras.  Wear a wig & a fake nose. And don't dress as a pirate.
13.     Whatever you do don’t complain about your victim within six months of murdering him.  Don’t tell anyone you’d be better off if he were dead. Don’t solicit anyone you know for fast gun sales or reputable hit men.  They’ll rat you out so they can see their name in the paper.
14.    If you do have a co-conspirator and you get caught, which you will, make sure you get to the District Attorney first. I don’t care how much you think he/she loves you they’ll sell you out for a plea deal every time.
15.    Self defense is hard to prove if the victim was shot from behind, while kneeling, laying down or sitting.
16.    If you have books about murder/poisons, or you have episodes of your favorite crime shows on your DVR, don’t try to commit the perfect crime. It looks fishy and no one is going to believe it is just a coincidence. "Well, guess I better clean house."
17.    Don’t write novels about murderers and psychopaths, like Visions of Evil. 
        "Damn, I don't stand a chance."              

  Have  a Happy Thanksgiving. We all have many blessings.

          Over the river, and through the wood, To Nana’s house you 
          go,  the car/plane knows the way to carry you there, through 
          the white and drifted snow....
Well, no snow, but I’m blessed that a few of my family members will share this special holiday with me.  And it’ my birthday week!

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